Friday, July 17, 2009
e459, bedok south cluster <3hello!
lazy to upload all the photos. show you guys one first (:
haiz, my moodswing comes back to me agn.
im going to rant all i can for now. make myself feel better T.T blogging is a nice way.
hahha, i hope for no comments. thanks (:
someone ask me today, are you happy with what you are now? are you happy with your life?
i was stunned by this qn. i doubt that there is anyone who asked me this qn.
throughout my whole friday, i been thinking.. im i happy? i look happy though.
i laugh to the max almost every single day. but what im i laughing for? because im happy?
or just for the sake of laughing for a particular funny reason?
i dont know how to reply.
the same person asked me agn, are you going to be happy when you grow old?
i replied that im going to make lots of money, provide good life for my parents. but the person
was shocked. he said that i've changed. not completely changed. but he doesnt want me to
changed any further. he said that i become cold, i ignored my family.
esp my mum, just because that day i didnt went home because i was fed up with her.
because of that stupid incident, unnecessary nagging keep pestering me everyday.
its irritating i should say.
this two qn really shocked me, i think that i've changed. Not looks, but personality.
where has my old self gone to? is it because god changed me to a better person but i pause it
during the process? omg, i hated myself now.
wth is wrong with me? where has my real self gone to? i used to be commited in this that im
doing. now? i dont care alrdy. i used to be good students, not using as much vulgarities as i
can, wanted to get A1 for cca, wanted to score well for my studies, completing homework
almost everyday. now, i dont consider myself as a bad student yet, i used bad words =.=
(in control alrdy), hoping for no cca, still wanting to score well; but only target Bs for my sub,
didnt even feel like touching my homework at all.
what is wrong with me? where has my motivation gone to?
please dont ever tell me that this was a test from god.
if it is so, im so dead, i admit myself that i dont touch the bible necessary, even though quiet time
is a time where you can communicate with god. now, what am i suppose to do when things are
like this? im sorry my father ): i dont wish to elaborate on other personal things.
damn it, should i go to the counsellor one fine day?
maybe i should.
today during ss, we were watching this movie "blood diamonds"
i began to treasure my life more, seeing people enjoy killing disgust me.
how i wish i could blow their minds off and free those innocent commoner.
i should pick up myself SOON. i dont want my precious time to waste.
motivation, please come upon me soon. please.
loves,
hanting .
♥ posted on 5:21 PM
6 sisters <33 
Yiling <3